Humina humina humina

I've never really thought about Jamie Foxx in a naughty kind of way, but I saw this video the other day, and now I can't stop. (Start at 3:30 and pay close attention to what he starts doing with his tongue at around 4:00.)

Holy mother of fuck. I've never seen that before. My mind naturally goes to the obvious application, and I am very intrigued as to what that would be like. Very. Intrigued.

I really hope Kirstie Alley gets her booty call from him, and kisses and tells, because I wanna know.

Maybe Jamie Foxx should have some sort of tongue dexterity workout video to help all men and women learn that kind of muscle control.

I think it could actually inspire world peace.

Come on Jaime, give peace a chance, for just three easy payments of $39.95.

Try to keep it in your mouth for now, Jamie. There's money to be made.

Oh, and Mr. Foxx, you don't need to worry about paying me cash for this million dollar idea. I am willing to accept alternate payment.

If you know me well...

I swiped this meme from Decoy Betty, who swiped it from someone else, who probably swiped it from someone else, who... my head hurts.

If you know me well, you know:

1. I refuse to be a foster home for cats and kittens anymore because I'm worried I'm going to become the crazy cat lady down by the tracks. Four is enough!
   
   
2. I'm a sucker for Canadian music and literature. If you ever need recommendations, drop me a line.
   
   
3. I'm a vegetarian unless you get me near some really amazing ethnic food, like lasagne made by little old Italian ladies. Or Greek souvlaki. Or bacon... I'm a bad vegetarian.
   
   
4. My internal editor went on strike a few years ago. And then she went missing and I forgot to look for her. I wonder what she's doing now?
   
   
5. I'm better at intense heart-to-heart conversations with people I barely know than I am at making small talk.
   
   
6. I don't have much time for bullshit and cut people out of my life who play games and thrive on interpersonal drama.
   
   
7. I stand up for what I believe in.
   
   
8. You should probably not fuck with my friends.
   
   
9. I like being in my 30s.
   
   
10. I do not want to have my own biological children and am not sure I want children at all, though the idea of adoption is appealing to me.
    
    
11. My sense of humour, at the best of times, is very warped.
    
    
12. It takes a lot to phase me. In fact, if someone is trying to shock me or throw me off, I will do my best to turn the tables on them and make them twitch instead. It's good times.
    
    
13. I get pretty licked off two drinks. If that happens, I'm probably going to start kissing my friends. They don't mind.
    
    
14. I lust after Jack Bauer. Not Kiefer Sutherland, the actor. Jack Bauer, the fictional character. Which goes against all those socialist/feminist things I stand for, but I can't help it. He's just so badass and sexy.
    
    
15. It's a good thing I live in Canada, because with my track record, my medical insurance rates would be through the roof if I lived in the States. I'm pretty sure that people who injure themselves while randomly falling off parking lots would need to pay higher premiums.
    
    

If I knew you well, what would I know? Tell me in the comments.

Grace in Small Things: Saturday night edition

1. Being an incredibly cheap drunk. Three whole beer, baby. Yes, I know how to live on the edge.
   
   
   All photos in this post are by the fabulous and incredibly talented Schmutzie.
   
   
   
2. Super hot pictures in which it looks like I'm about to make out with my hair doppelganger, only she and I are just looking down each others' shirts because Schmutzie told us to. Wait, is that better or worse?
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. The fact that my best friend is totally cool with me giving her boyfriend a birthday kiss, and then kissing her, too, for good measure. They both have very soft lips.
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. And my BFF drove my cheap drunk ass home. Now, that's friendship.
   
   
   
   
5. Having a heart-to-heart with a new friend and seeing her for who she really is, in a good way.
   
   
   
   
   

Cock of the walk

Many, many years ago, a friend and I were talking and somehow ended up on the topic of what we'd be like if we were male.

Immediately, I said, "If I were a guy, I'd have a huge cock. And I would be awesome in bed."

Then, my friend got all upset and pouty.

Savia: What's wrong?
Her: You have a bigger penis than me.
Savia: What? You do know I don't actually have one, right?
Her: If you were a guy, you would have a bigger penis than me.
Savia: You don't know that.
Her: Yes, I do. You totally would.
Savia: Yeah, you're right. I would. I'm pretty awesome.

So, she sulked off. Later on, I brought up the discussion with a male relative of mine and bragged about my huge imaginary cock; however, he informed me that the men in our family have average-sized penises.

So, I guess my friend had nothing to pout about, unless her imaginary penis was smaller than average (which I'm guessing it was).

Of course, I never told her the imaginary truth about my imaginary cock. I have my imaginary pride.

Cock or not, I sure know how to swing it around.