Porno dress

I kinda wish I had $1,200 to pick this dress up off Etsy. For the record, I'd wear a little black dress underneath, unlike the way it's shown below.





Check out more of belleslettre's designs on Etsy. They're pretty wild (love the Romeo and Juliet dress and the ex-boyfriend nesting dolls!)

Cars and quirks

As I was driving and thinking (yes, I am multi-talented enough to do both at the same time. Well, sorta...), it occurred to me to share a number of my car-related quirks with you:

1. Driving is almost meditative for me. I think of a lot of good ideas as I'm driving around. Though this means I'm not necessarily the most alert driver. In fact, I'm kind of like a bird, distracted by shiny things. It's probably dangerous to drive around with me. I'd recommend against it.
   
   
2. I'm beginning to wonder if my brain picks up on radio signals. More times than I can count, as I've been walking to my car, I get a song in my head. When I turn on my car radio, the same song is playing. Not only that, it picks up in the exact spot where the tune in my head leaves off. This also happens sometimes when I wake up before my alarm, set to the same radio station, in the morning. Don't worry - I'm not going to start wearing a tinfoil helmet or anything. I just wish I could find a way to capitalize on this skill. Any ideas?
   
   
3. Although I only buy non-mainstream CDs by Canadian singers/songwriters, when I'm in my car, I like listening to our local inane Top 40 radio station. Mindless music is calming and reduces my road rage at the horrible, horrible Saskatchewan drivers. Britney, Beyonce, Black Eyed Peas: bring it on. Just not Nickelback, dear lord. Inane, yes; insane, no. I am a proud member of the Facebook group, "Everytime a Nickelback Song Is Played, God Kills a Llama."
   
   
4. I try to sing harmony along with the songs on the radio. It often doesn't work out. But when it does, I feel so very cool.
   
   
5. Sometimes, I even dance to the songs. I'm sure other drivers find me amusing. Or freakish.
   
   
6. Speaking of freakish, I am known for freak accidents. Yesterday, as I was plugging my car in at work (Note to American readers: in Canada, our winters are so cold that we have little mini heaters under the hoods of our cars, and we have to plug these in to an electrical outlet in order to keep our motors from freezing up.), I actually fell off the parking lot. Yes, you read that right: off. There's a steep drop off right after the parking partition and I lost my balance, rolled down the incline and smashed into a chain link fence. Today, my jaw, neck, shoulders, back and legs hurt. And don't get me started on the bruises.
   
   
7. However, I am also freakishly lucky. My weird accidents are never that awful. Yesterday, it was -30 Celsius/-22 Fahrenheit (-40 Celsius/Fahrenheit with the windchill). And even though I fell off the parking lot, I'm fortunate that I did not hit my head and knock myself out. Because in that case, I would have been unconscious, outside in dangerously cold weather, in an area where no one would have seen me, even though I was mere feet from my office. I would have died, or at the very least, suffered severe frostbite before someone found me, which could have led to amputation. I'm not exaggerating - this is, sadly, common in our climate. A very lucky gal, I am.
   
   
8. My car's rear end (tee hee) may be cursed. I have had my back bumper replaced three times now. First, I backed into a pole, then I was rear-ended by a clueless old lady, and then my car was hit-and-run outside my house. But the luck also extends to my cursed car, because I have never been in a serious accident - knock on a wood-paneled station wagon.
   
   
9. I am forever getting lost. I can get lost on the way to places I've been several times before. I've even gotten lost in Moose Jaw, where I like to joke that there's only one street. I don't bother with directions. Instead, I convince myself that I'll be able to "feel" where I'm going and find it on my own. The weird part is, sometimes this actually works.
   
   
10. Even though I have lived through 34 sub-zero Saskatchewan winters, I only recently discovered winter tires. I can't believe I've survived without them this long. They are my new boyfriend. I'd tongue kiss them everyday if I weren't afraid that my poor tongue would stick to them and rip off. I am still haunted by the memory of this girl in my Grade One class, Darla, who tried to lick frost off the tetherball pole at recess and got stuck (or "thuck", as she said) to it. She never spoke in class again after that. Even though she probably didn't permanently damage her tongue, I was convinced it was the reason for her silence.