Savia smells, pass it on (continued)

In this post, I promised a follow-up review on yet another natural deodorant I was testing out. Here you go:


Burt's Bees Herbal Deodorant

When I saw that Burt's Bees had a natural deodorant, I had to buy it. I have been a fan of every Burt's product I have tried thus far; they're effective, smell great, and are widely available, so I don't have to go to a specialty store to seek them out.

When I looked at the ingredients on the container, I saw they were similar to those in the Kibio deodorant that I raved about in my last review. So, I thought that this would be the same kind of thing, only at a lower price point ($12 compared to $20).

I smelled the nozzle in the store and it seemed alright - a kind of herbal, woodsy citrus, but not as tasty as the Kibio. I thought it would be acceptable, until I got it home and sprayed it on myself. The concentrated smell just about knocked me over.

The company describes the scent as "the smell of nature" or "outdoorsy." I would describe its stench as akin to a natural mosquito repellent. I actually gagged, it was so awful.

I would rather smell my own BO than walk around smelling like this crap. And, incidentally, I ended up smelling my own BO because the deodorant, as strong as it seemed, did not last throughout the night. Talk about a rude awakening. Its stank mingling with my natural stank created a whole new creature that could potentially be the cause, or perhaps the cure, of the Swinefluenza epidemic.

Why, Burt's Bees? Why? What did I ever do to you to deserve this? Aren't you supposed to be trying to make things smell like bees, rather than kill all the bees in a 10 km radius? We need those bees. They pollinate shit and stuff like that!

Don't make me scold you again, Burt's Bees. Or I may be forced to spray you down with your own deodorant, and no one wants that.

Always be prepared

I went to see my therapist yesterday. As I have been feeling a bit queasy as of late, I brought with me a bottle of natural ginger ale to sip so I wouldn't puke all over the therapist's nice leather couch. I mean, what would Freud have to say about that? Is there such a thing as reverse oral fixation?

I wasn't the only one in the waiting room. There was also a guy reading some a workbook on positive self-esteem. At one point, he glanced up from his book, did a double take at me, and gave me a strange look.

Jeez, I thought, judgmental much? It's not like I'm the only one in therapy here, low-self-esteem guy. Maybe you'd have higher self-esteem if you weren't giving total strangers dirty looks. Jerk.

He was called into his therapist's office shortly thereafter, and once he was gone, I realized what the weird look was all about.

I was not drinking just any ginger ale. I was drinking Real Brew Outrageous Ginger Ale (the brand in the States is called Natural Brew, FYI) and the bottle looks like this:

Now I know what he was thinking: "Wow, you've got some serious problems there. Good thing you're in therapy, though I don't know how much that's really going to help if you're drinking beer in the waiting room."

I smiled and shook my head and went in to see my therapist. When he saw the bottle, he remarked, "Oh, so you've come prepared, then."

My response: "What can I say? It's been a rough week."|

Savia smells...pass it on

I realize that I have hit quite the blog block as of late. So, I have decided to break it with an uber review of natural deodorant. [Note: This review is completely unsolicited. I have not been asked to review these products nor am I receiving any kind of payment for doing so.]

Yes, deodorant. That stuff that is supposed to stop you from smelling like that creepy dude passed out in the corner of the bus station (the one you don't even want to poke with a stick because the smell keeps you from getting close enough to do it. That, and the stick would probably disintegrate.)

Notice I said deodorant and not antiperspirant. There's a good reason for that.

For the past few years, I have been making a major attempt to go natural in terms of my beauty routine and diet. I've cut out hydrogenated oils for the most part (though who can resist Easter chocolate, come on!) and am no longer buying shampoos, conditioners, lotions, soaps, makeup, etc. that contain sodium laurel/laureth sulfate or parabens.

My one real holdout, however, has been antiperspirant. It was hard for me to let go of it, because, well, it works. And there is no real natural substitute for it. Deodorant is not the same as antiperspirant. With deodorant, you're going to sweat; you're just hoping you're not going to smell while you're sweating. Antiperspirant allows us to believe that women glow rather than sweat, because we are so far above that base function.

I'm all for anything that allows me to believe that I'm a princess who doesn't need to have sweat glands, but it seems a tad bit unhealthy to clog them up because I don't want to smell. The presence of aluminum in antiperspirant also stresses a lot of people out, and understandably so: aluminum is a neurotoxin known to cause dementia and wreak havoc on other bodily systems (there are rumours about it causing breast cancer, but these are highly disputed.) And I don't know about you, but I already have a healthy dose of The Crazy, so I don't need anything else fucking with my brain, thank you very much.

Somewhere along the line, I decided to suck it up and see what this whole natural deodorant thing was all about. After all, it worked well for Superstar, and he was a big, sweaty guy. I've never had a problem with sweating or body odour myself, so it seemed I was being a bit paranoid in cuddling the remains of my last stick of Secret. Time to take the plunge.

Adidas Cotton Tech Absorbent-Deo, Pure Powder

My first foray into the world of deodorant was mainstream. I heard that Adidas makes an aluminum-free deodorant that is supposed to act like an antiperspirant. A friend of a friend highly recommended it, so it had to work, right? Plus, how great would it to be able to just switch to a new drugstore brand without any real hassle?

The stick's cotton technology is supposed to absorb wetness, while the deodorant keeps you from smelling. As far as I could tell, it did neither. Even though it wasn't working, I kept using it, desperately hoping I was wrong.

I mean, it is supposed to be tested on athletes. I imagined all of these sweaty wrestlers with Cotton Tech residue under their pits, tackling one another in a gym that smells like old socks, only they, themselves, smell like Pure Powder. So, if it wasn't working on my pits, what did that say about me? Was my extreme stenchiness a sign that I really wasn't a princess (gasp!)?

Fortunately, Schmutzie's review of the same product concludes that it actually made her (and Palinode) smell worse than using nothing. Whew (or shall I say, phew?) It's not just me!


Nature's Gate Organics Deodorant, Lemongrass and Clary Sage

Having struck out at the drugstore, I decided to hit the health food store and see what kinds of hippie sticks tickled my fancy. I came across this one, which wasn't overly expensive. Perhaps the fresh scent of lemongrass and clary sage would do the trick?

And...FAIL.

It smelled nice when you first put it on, of course, but once natural processes took over, not so much. Can anyone say citrusy BO? Is this Nature's Gate or Nature's Gate to Hell? I don't care what lovely scent you put on top of it, BO is still BO.

I shoved the almost unused stick at Superstar. Of course, it made him smell all nice and he didn't reek at all. Jerk. This time, however, instead of questioning my body chemistry and feeling self-conscious about my stench's resilience, I reminded myself that Superstar is a dirty hippie, so it makes sense that hippie sticks would work so well on him.


Crystal Body Deodorant Spray

In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not certain this was the brand I used. The bottle was different - clear with writing on it. But it was the same sort of concept - the whole crystal dealie in a spray bottle.

The instructions said I should use two to six pumps of spray per armpit. I used two and flapped around like a chicken for a few minutes, trying to get my pits to dry before I got dressed.

Sadly, my chicken dance did not help this product work.

Yup, you got it. BO strikes again. Maybe it only works on people who have large enough pits to use six pumps without the spray dripping down their bodies, as well as an extra two hours to wait for their pits to dry after doing so?

Superstar got my castoff bottle of this deodorant as well. And guess what? He loved it. Motherfucking hippie.


Tom's of Maine Deodorant Stick, Honeysuckle Rose

Tom's of Maine is one of the best-known natural brands around, as its line is available in drug stores and is moderately priced (by moderately, I mean less than $10. It's amazing how you adjust your idea of an acceptable price after you've tried enough of these deodorants. Buh bye to the $2-$3 antiperspirant you used to take for granted. Sigh.)

I knew the Apricot long-lasting deodorant had worked amazingly on Superstar when we were together. He could actually be super stenchy and put the deodorant on over that and come out smelling like apricotty goodness.

Of course, I should have known by now that a deodorant working on Superstar does not have any bearing on whether it will work for me. I am beginning to wonder if the fact that it worked on Superstar ensures that it will definitely not work on me, because guess what? It made me smell the worst of the bunch. The combination of honeysuckle, rose and BO was truly revolting.

I began to wonder if my armpits were colonized by some kind of mutant alien bacteria that was immune to everything except neurotoxins. My resolve began to weaken and desperation began to set in. If something didn't work soon, I was going to Shoppers Drug Mart and slathering myself head to toe in Soft & Dri.


Dr. Hauschka Deodorant Roll-On, Floral

Clearly, it was time to bring out the big guns. Everyone knows that you get what you pay for, so enough of the moderately priced natural deodorants. If it's expensive, it's bound to work, right? Right??

My acupuncturist sells the Dr. Hauschka line of natural skin care products and has me hooked. They're pricey but they make you feel like a princess. Since I was feeling like a stinky princess, I figured Dr. H's roll-on deodorant was the logical choice.

It was $25 for a 50 ml (1.7 fl oz) bottle. Eep! But my acupuncturist assured me that it would last up to a year because it was a roll-on, and she had clients who really liked it. I cringed and shelled out the cash.

She had two flavours in stock - Floral and Fresh. The Fresh had an herbal smell that I quite liked, but I chose the Floral because I felt the extra fragrance would be more effective. (WTF? Do I ever learn?)

For the most part, it works. Notice I said, "for the most part." I find that I can make it through the day smelling fine, but once I go to bed and wake up in the morning, I reek and have to give the ol' pits a thorough washing before I can reapply the deodorant for the day (putting it over top of the stench did not work. Trust me, I tried. Mmmm...floral BO.) I am not a morning showerer, so I have to reapply the deodorant before I go to bed if I want to avoid the morning washcloth. This means the bottle will last half the time - six months instead of a year. It's livable, but not ideal. Who wants to wear deodorant to bed? Or, gawd forbid, wake up 20 minutes earlier to take a morning shower? The horror!!


Kibio Protective Care Deodorant

I was beginning to wonder if I would be relegated to washing my smelly, germ-infested pits several times a day to avoid having jeers and insults hurled at me in the streets, when I came across this chic aluminum bottle containing an organic spray deodorant from France. Ah, well, what's another $20 given all the time and money I've already put into my quest?

I am so glad I did not give up, because this deodorant is the shit! And by the shit, I mean not smelling like shit at all. In fact, quite the opposite.

The spray stings when it first goes on, as it contains alcohol and witch hazel, but the scent is intoxicating. I would describe it as a spicy citrus - not sweet or overpowering, but subtle and kind of sexy. It would work for either sex, for sure (and may inspire some of us to have sex, because it does smell that good. I'd love to smell it on my lover. Yummmmmmm.)

One day, after sweating more than usual (bath got me overheated), I started to smell a bit ripe, so I sprayed some more of this deodorant on top of the odour and get this: it made it go away! It even worked well the night Magnetalasa and I went to the Taboo Sex Show. That place was hot and crowded and annoying, and I came out smelling like a citrus blossom.

In contrast to the Dr. Hauschka deodorant, I don't have to use it before bed to prevent morning stench. My favourite aspect of this product, however, is the fact that if my natural smell starts to come through, it mixes with the spicy citrus scent of the product and adds a sexy musky element to it. So, even if you start to smell, it doesn't smell like BO or citrusy BO. I feel like it works with my body chemistry to come up with a special, customized scent that is just right and makes me smell good no matter what.

In other words: WE HAVE A WEINER!!!

(If you don't want to take my word for it, check out another positive review here.)

Kibio has just appeared on the scene in Canada, being sold only at Shoppers Drug Mart. I'm unsure of its availability in the US, but Clarins recently bought shares in the organic French company, which is good news for product accessibility. (Is anyone surprised that the princess picks the rare French product as her fave?)

For those of you who can't find this particular brand, don't worry. I have one more product to review just for you. I just picked it up today, so you'll have to give me some time to try it out.

In the meantime, keep your pits crossed.

The other side

I should be crying, I should be screaming, I should be curled up in the fetal position, shaking with anxiety and nausea.

But I'm not.

I find this curious, as this is one of the most awful situations I have dealt with in a very long time. A lot is at stake. A lot.

Sure, I have cried. I have felt hopeless and helpless. I've had to remind myself to breathe to calm the clench of anxiety throughout my entire body. But instead of allowing these emotions to take over, I felt them, worked through them, and then I let them go. So different than how I have handled crises in the past.

I step back and look at the way I'm dealing with this and think, "Hmmm. Is this how a healthy person deals with an extremely stressful situation? Could I actually be....healthy? Huh. Who knew?"

So, why am I different? Well, the proper medication helps. It allows me to step back and get some logical perspective on what's happening, the kind of perspective I am so good at providing to other people, but fail to have for myself in dealing with the same kinds of problems.

In the midst of all this turmoil, I woke up on Friday morning and thought, there's nothing I can do about this situation. It is what it is and it's going to turn out the way it's going to turn out. And, really, when you think about it in the context of my tumultuous and difficult life, I have been through so much worse.

I remind myself that after I have weathered the darkest times of my life, things tend to swing in the opposite direction. I've grown and learned and taken new risks, attracting and taking advantage of new opportunities I would have never dreamed of. I find myself grateful for the adversity and trauma, because without it, none of the good would have happened.

Friday morning, I had an epiphanal moment. I realized that I am so happy and fortunate to be alive. No matter what happens with this matter, I will still be alive. And for that, I am grateful. Life, living, being alive is something that cannot be taken away from me (unless someone tries to kill me, which is probably not going to happen in this situation. And even if it did, there's nothing I can do about it anyway.)

Instead of worrying and letting myself fall into a deep pit of despair, I find myself smiling and laughing and truly enjoying every small aspect of my day.

I am me. I am here. I am alive. I am joyous and free. And in a weird way, I am looking forward to going through this trying time, to prove to myself and others how strong I really am, and to find out what adventures, opportunities and blessings await me on the other side.