Fuck it all to hell

An idea stolen from Schmutzie, who stole it from someone else. A list of things I give up on.

Savia's Fuck It List

1. Take my Grade 3 History and Grade 3 Harmony so I can get credit for my Grade 9 Royal Conservatory of Music Singing exam that I did in 2006. Why do I need to do this? Just to say that I could?
   
   
2. Get a PhD. I have become convinced that this level of grad school would give me a free ticket to the psych ward. Not worth it. (I am going to finish my MA, though. That's just a free ticket to a handful of psych meds, which I probably need anyway.)
   
   
3. Learn Italian. I know enough to fight off an incestuous Italian cousin. What more do I need to know?
   
   
4. Live life more consciously. There's a certain freedom in not noticing shit around you. For one, you don't care if people are talking about you or looking at you funny, because you don't know that they are. Being lost in your own thoughts has its benefits. Except for when you walk into a wall or almost get into an accident while driving. Hey, I said almost - it's working for me so far.
   
   
5. Forgiveness helps you heal. Fuck that shit with a fork. I'm owning my anger these days, and I like it.
   
   
6. Run a marathon. I am not built to run - I have hips. That shit will fuck up your knees in the long run. (ha ha - long run.)
   
   
7. Train my dog. She's almost 9 years old. You may be able to teach an old dog new tricks, but you can't teach her not to pee on the couch.
   
   
8. Trust others. I think I should learn how to suspect others. I am probably too trusting to begin with. Some people suck.
   
   
9. Stop gossiping. Oh, my God. I knew this chick once who gave up on gossiping, and she totally caught chlamydia. Purple monkey dishwasher.
   
   
10. Go camping. Sleeping on the hard, cold ground with a blanket of mosquitoes or curling up with my furry cats on a queen-sized pillow top? Hmmm, which to choose, which to choose.
    

Grace in floral things

1. On Friday, International Women's Day, a beautiful bouquet was delivered to my house from a friend who had moved away and knows I'm going through a difficult time right now.

2. The flowers are pink lilies that remind me of spring. They were wrapped beautifully in bright coloured tissue paper and cellophane, instead of your usual newspaper and tacky floral wrapping paper.

3. The card said, simply, "Love, D."

4. The lilies are in a vase in my bedroom, and every time I walk in there, I am greeted by the overwhelmingly beautiful scent of them. It makes me feel incredibly special and blessed.

5. My future sister-in-law and I went to a flower show today (coincidentally at the same place my friend sent the flowers from) to look at ideas for bouquets for her wedding. She went in with a very specific vision in mind, until we both saw the most stunning bouquet of calla lilies, orchids and roses, all in a very vintage/muted colour scheme that compliment her theme and gown perfectly. The combination, along with the colours and arrangement, is breathtaking, and we both knew, "This is it. This is the one." It was wonderful to be part of that moment with her.

Grace in unexpected things

1. My foster cat, Peaches, has been very aggressive toward my other cats, so I've been keeping her in a separate room. However, there seems to be some progress of a relationship between her and my newest cat, Levi. The other day, he walked up to her and licked her on her forehead. I was surprised that she didn't growl, hiss or flinch at all. Then, later on, even more surprisingly, she walked up to him and bonked her head against his side. Of course, the next day, she attacked him and chased him around, but I still have hope.


2. Saturday morning, I got an email from a friend I hadn't seen for months, inviting me to go to the musical Annie with him that night. The friend he originally had tickets to go with had to leave town for a funeral and he needed a last-minute replacement. I was free, so I agreed to go and we had an amazing time. Laughed our asses off at the historical and political inaccuracies of the plot and the exploitation of President Roosevelt, which was quite hilarious.

3. After a truly awful week, the majority of which I spent sobbing my head off, I got a call and a follow up email that made me realize that I have nothing to worry about and everything is going to work out okay. It was a huge relief and I've been feeling calm and optimistic since.

4. I think my antidepressants are either at the level they should be, or close to it, because I'm feeling pretty good these days. I actually went out and was social yesterday. (Another unexpected turn of events: I discovered a group of great people get together every Saturday at 2 p.m. to play Scrabble. How awesome is that?)

5. I've been reading a number of books in preparation for working on my thesis this summer, and I was pleasantly surprised to find a number of short stories by the author I'm focusing on, which have insect imagery in them. It's great to know I'm on the right track and that she really does use a lot of insects in her writing. I'm really on to something here. My hunch is paying off!

Happy Jawiversary

I just posted a one-year post-jaw surgery update on my other blog, Smiling Bella. You can read it here.