When I opened the door, I immediately started laughing. Superstar had grown a ridiculous goatee that extended several inches past his chin. I knew exactly what he was doing: playing a little game with his new employers to see how long it would take them to make him shave it off. His way of sticking it to The Man.
The thing is, even with the bizarre facial hair, he is still incredibly hot.
I made some tea and we sat and caught up on each other's lives while my dog tried to make out with him. He used to call her Girlfriend #2 because she can't keep her paws off him.
He told me about his new job sailing through the Arctic and I told him all about how people are trying to have threesomes with me and the crush I had developed on Diva's best friend, who happens to be female. I asked his advice on how I would go about hitting on a girl.
"Probably the same way you would go about hitting on a guy. Hey, have I put you off men entirely?" he asked.
"Yup," I said.
I had been saving a bottle of Raspberry Chocolate Port wine and decided to crack it open. After two (half) glasses, I was licked. What can I say, I'm a cheap drunk. The warm, fuzzy feeling was just enough to send the lust I had been feeling all night bubbling over, so I grabbed Superstar and started making out with him. Then, I dragged him upstairs and jumped him. Three times.
It was passionate and intimate and loving and all around hot, hot, hot. The physical and emotional connection between us was still so intense. After the first time, I had a good, long cry. It was a good thing - a release of everything I had been keeping bottled up these past six months. The next two times were just for fun - no tears, only screams.
I've never done the ex sex thing before. When I'm done with the person, I am done. They're Dead To Me and don't deserve a return email, much less my Wonder Snatch. (If you met any of my ex-boyfriends, you would understand why.) But Superstar is different. Our ending, while sad and difficult, was filled with so much love and respect for one another and what we had shared during our two years together.
When a lot of people hear the term "ex sex", their first thought is, "Watch out. Someone is going to get hurt." But it depends where you're coming from. If the approach is a manipulative one, such as "I'm going to show him what he's missing" or "I'm going to use sex to get him back", then the person is going to get hurt if she doesn't get the result she wants. If it's a case of "I still love him and want to be close to him even if he doesn't want to be with me, so I'll take whatever I can get," that's going to end in heartbreak for sure.
It wasn't like that with Superstar and me. We accept that we can't be together, and neither of us is playing games. There was no ulterior motive. In this case, the ex sex was actually cathartic and healing. It eventually led to a conversation where I expressed some things I needed to say, and we both just held each other and cried.
That week we went to his niece and nephews' dance recital with his family, we went on a date to the Lego exhibit at the Science Centre, followed by lattes (where we ran into his sister and niece and had a great visit) and some crazy ninja sex (don't worry, his sister and niece weren't around for that!), and we also had an awesome sushi night with Schmutzie and Palinode. Just like old times.
It felt like we had never been apart, which made me all-too-aware of the fact that we are apart. There were times I thought, "Why? Why can't this work out? Why aren't we together when it's this good? This isn't fair!" And then I'd remind myself to stay in the moment and appreciate our week together for what it was. Which was hard, because each coin of happiness had sadness ever-present on its other side.
And yet, I have no regrets about that week. By the end, I was ready for him to go. I was done. I shed a few tears, and then I walked away and haven't cried since.
I would say that it was closure, but I'm not sure I believe in that cheesy concept. That, and a short email from him last week saying, "I just wanted to say it was great to see you again. And that I've been thinking of you, and I miss you. Big love, xo Superstar," brought tears to my eyes.
I'm not sure I will ever have closure with him, because we do have a very special, deep bond. But hey, at least I got some action out of the deal.
When a lot of people hear the term "ex sex", their first thought is, "Watch out. Someone is going to get hurt." But it depends where you're coming from. If the approach is a manipulative one, such as "I'm going to show him what he's missing" or "I'm going to use sex to get him back", then the person is going to get hurt if she doesn't get the result she wants. If it's a case of "I still love him and want to be close to him even if he doesn't want to be with me, so I'll take whatever I can get," that's going to end in heartbreak for sure.
It wasn't like that with Superstar and me. We accept that we can't be together, and neither of us is playing games. There was no ulterior motive. In this case, the ex sex was actually cathartic and healing. It eventually led to a conversation where I expressed some things I needed to say, and we both just held each other and cried.
That week we went to his niece and nephews' dance recital with his family, we went on a date to the Lego exhibit at the Science Centre, followed by lattes (where we ran into his sister and niece and had a great visit) and some crazy ninja sex (don't worry, his sister and niece weren't around for that!), and we also had an awesome sushi night with Schmutzie and Palinode. Just like old times.
It felt like we had never been apart, which made me all-too-aware of the fact that we are apart. There were times I thought, "Why? Why can't this work out? Why aren't we together when it's this good? This isn't fair!" And then I'd remind myself to stay in the moment and appreciate our week together for what it was. Which was hard, because each coin of happiness had sadness ever-present on its other side.
And yet, I have no regrets about that week. By the end, I was ready for him to go. I was done. I shed a few tears, and then I walked away and haven't cried since.
I would say that it was closure, but I'm not sure I believe in that cheesy concept. That, and a short email from him last week saying, "I just wanted to say it was great to see you again. And that I've been thinking of you, and I miss you. Big love, xo Superstar," brought tears to my eyes.
I'm not sure I will ever have closure with him, because we do have a very special, deep bond. But hey, at least I got some action out of the deal.
5 comments:
That is a heartwarming story. I hope the two of you are able to cherish your loving relationship for what it is now, whatever that is. Love goes beyond labels.
oh my dear.
i totally get this post. B-rad and i were not always the happy couple you see now... and there were times when we were not together, but would come back around for some ex sex....and the ex sex was fantastic, and like you said - there was this connection every time...
sometimes - and it's rare - the friendship is more important than the live-in relationship and then you don't need closure, you just need to spend the occasional week togethher ;) Glas you two had a blast, but wonder snatch at the Lego exhibit would have been freaking awesome!
i remember bonding with you (in my head) over your stories of superstar as a soulmate and ex, and over mine of field in the same position.
field turned out to be a complete and utter wanker, but....i'll tell that story when it won't be vitriolic.
when the heart truly loves...it's such a complicated muscle, hey? for me, anyway, i find it hard to truly let the love go.
but. your writing is just gorgeous.
I just don't understand why you can't be together if everything is so loving and passionate and respectful and intimate and bonded....doesn't make sense.
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