I have been feeling cruddy this past while, exhausted and weak, generally run down. When I start to feel sick, my jaw pain tends to act up as well. I didn't really pay much attention to it in the past, but thinking back on it, this has been happening for the past few years.
I feel tired and run down, my jaw tenses up, I get a debilitating headache and can't go to work and do my job. More unpaid sick leave for Savia. Hooray.
Yesterday, I got high on codeine to take the edge off the jaw migraines triggered by the overall cruddiness, spent the day in bed and went to see my physiotherapist late afternoon for my weekly appointment.
She asked how I was doing, so I told her, mentioning that I felt like some allergies were being aggravated or that I was coming down with a cold and that my jaw acted up whenever I felt this way.
She told me that when an area of your body is in pain for a long period of time and the condition becomes chronic, as my jaw likely has, the area grows extra nerve endings and becomes sensitive to histamines. So, if you do have allergies or are coming down with a cold, the pain in that area will flare up.
The news hit me kind of hard. I realized that I have been in pain for the past three years, and, as a result, this is something that I will probably have to deal with for the rest of my life, surgery or not.
In the spring when the snow melts and the mold underneath the banks starts swirling around, during cold and flu season, on windy days...I'm going to feel sucky. My jaw is going to act up. I am going to get horrible headaches, and I probably won't be able to go to work.
While I don't regret the surgery, and I believe that it has improved my quality of life (chewing, talking and singing) and saved my jaw from more damage in the future, the damage was already done before I went under the bone saw. And I'm going to have to live with that. And figure out how to deal with it.
August 28, 2008
August 20, 2008
August 19, 2008
High...um...I mean "hi"
The last time I went to see The Jaw Master Grand Pouba of Physiotherapy with Thumbs of Steel, he put me through so much pain that I was gasping for air, crying, and doing Lamaze breathing to get through the hour.
I wanted to hate him and swear I would never go back, but the dude's effective - he got my mouth opening from 30 mm to 36 mm in one session.
So, I just swore. A lot.
It takes months to get in with him, which gave me time to psych myself up for round number two. I decided that there was no way I was going into my next session sober. I was going to get very, very high on painkillers first. Fortunately, it doesn't take much to impair my brain function, which made me wonder a bit about the stability of my brain function, a thought that quickly disappeared with two T3s (codeine) taken in the waiting room before my appointment.
By the time they called me in, I was flying. An intern was the first one to see me.
Intern: The Jaw Master Grand Pouba of Physiotherapy with Thumbs of Steel is running a bit late, so I'm here to get you started. How are you doing today?
Savia: I'm doing GREAT!!
Intern: You certainly are chipper today.
Savia: I'm high. He's mean, so I had to get high so I wouldn't have to breathe like I'm giving birth, not that I know what it's like to give birth or anything, but yeah.
Intern: Uh...okay.
Savia: He makes me cry when he uses his Thumbs of Steel.
Intern: I have heard that before, actually. Though I don't know anyone else who had to get high before they saw him.
Savia: I'm special.
Intern: Yes, I can see that.
Savia: Codeine is goooooood.
By the time The Jaw Master Grand Pouba of Physiotherapy with Thumbs of Steel came in, I was even more far gone.
Savia: German orthodontic fetishists like me, you know.
Jaw Master Grand Pouba of Physiotherapy with Thumbs of Steel: [puts Thumbs of Steel in Savia's mouth and pries her jaw open]
Savia: You're mean. Codeine sucks!!
Jaw Master Grant Pouba of Physiotherapy with Thumbs of Steel: [cranks Savia's mouth even farther] Feel that? That's the end of your range of motion. Your mouth won't ever open farther than this because this is how far the bones will let me go. Let's just hold it here for a bit and measure it so we can see where we're at.
Savia: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Then I said a bunch of other weird incoherent shit I don't really remember and accused him of various human rights abuses. All I know is that they were pretty amused by my altered state.
However, in the end, I discovered that the end of my range of motion is about 47 mm, and in our second session, he was able to get me from 42 mm to 44 mm, so I'm pretty much there. By the end of the year, my jaw physiotherapy torture sessions will be a distant, painful memory.
The next time I see him is in December. Hmmm...I'm pretty sure I have some liquid hydromorphone left over from my surgery...
I wanted to hate him and swear I would never go back, but the dude's effective - he got my mouth opening from 30 mm to 36 mm in one session.
So, I just swore. A lot.
It takes months to get in with him, which gave me time to psych myself up for round number two. I decided that there was no way I was going into my next session sober. I was going to get very, very high on painkillers first. Fortunately, it doesn't take much to impair my brain function, which made me wonder a bit about the stability of my brain function, a thought that quickly disappeared with two T3s (codeine) taken in the waiting room before my appointment.
By the time they called me in, I was flying. An intern was the first one to see me.
Intern: The Jaw Master Grand Pouba of Physiotherapy with Thumbs of Steel is running a bit late, so I'm here to get you started. How are you doing today?
Savia: I'm doing GREAT!!
Intern: You certainly are chipper today.
Savia: I'm high. He's mean, so I had to get high so I wouldn't have to breathe like I'm giving birth, not that I know what it's like to give birth or anything, but yeah.
Intern: Uh...okay.
Savia: He makes me cry when he uses his Thumbs of Steel.
Intern: I have heard that before, actually. Though I don't know anyone else who had to get high before they saw him.
Savia: I'm special.
Intern: Yes, I can see that.
Savia: Codeine is goooooood.
By the time The Jaw Master Grand Pouba of Physiotherapy with Thumbs of Steel came in, I was even more far gone.
Savia: German orthodontic fetishists like me, you know.
Jaw Master Grand Pouba of Physiotherapy with Thumbs of Steel: [puts Thumbs of Steel in Savia's mouth and pries her jaw open]
Savia: You're mean. Codeine sucks!!
Jaw Master Grant Pouba of Physiotherapy with Thumbs of Steel: [cranks Savia's mouth even farther] Feel that? That's the end of your range of motion. Your mouth won't ever open farther than this because this is how far the bones will let me go. Let's just hold it here for a bit and measure it so we can see where we're at.
Savia: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Then I said a bunch of other weird incoherent shit I don't really remember and accused him of various human rights abuses. All I know is that they were pretty amused by my altered state.
However, in the end, I discovered that the end of my range of motion is about 47 mm, and in our second session, he was able to get me from 42 mm to 44 mm, so I'm pretty much there. By the end of the year, my jaw physiotherapy torture sessions will be a distant, painful memory.
The next time I see him is in December. Hmmm...I'm pretty sure I have some liquid hydromorphone left over from my surgery...
August 15, 2008
August 12, 2008
He knows if you've been bad and good
Near the end of a long, busy day at the office.
Savia: Okay, don't send that email out yet. I have to double check it against the original files to make sure all the names are spelled correctly. You know, make a list, check it twice,gonna find out who's naughty and nice.
Co-worker: Naughty or nice.
Savia: What?
Co-worker: It's naughty or nice. Naughty and nice sounds more like...
Savia: My kind of really hot date.
Co-worker: [At the same time as Savia] Some kind of illicit pornographic film.
And...awkward.
Savia: Okay, don't send that email out yet. I have to double check it against the original files to make sure all the names are spelled correctly. You know, make a list, check it twice,gonna find out who's naughty and nice.
Co-worker: Naughty or nice.
Savia: What?
Co-worker: It's naughty or nice. Naughty and nice sounds more like...
Savia: My kind of really hot date.
Co-worker: [At the same time as Savia] Some kind of illicit pornographic film.
And...awkward.
August 9, 2008
Three weeks ago, something cool happened
It's hard to believe that it's been three weeks already and I haven't written about this. But that was part of the plan. Not to write about it. To have something that was just mine, that wasn't a status update on Facebook, that wasn't Twittered, that wasn't mentioned on one of my blogs. Something special. Something that could actually be a surprise.
And man, was it a hard secret to keep. I have a big mouth, and this is something that has to do with my mouth, so it was even more difficult to shut up about, so to speak.
Three weeks ago today, I went to see my orthodontist for a ten-minute check-up. He just wanted to see how my teeth were progressing so we could talk about the potential of getting my braces off in the next month or so.
He looked at my teeth and said, "They're perfect. Take them off!"
I looked at him, puzzled. "So, I should make an appointment to get the braces taken off, then?"
He said, "No. Take them off now."
"You mean, right now?" I asked, incredulously.
"Yes."
"But I don't even have my camera with me!" I cried.
I am such a blogger, jeez.
Next thing you know, they're coming at me with pliers and a drill. Two hours later, I was brace-free and grinning ear to ear. I'm sure the grinning had nothing to do with all the painkillers I downed before I'd let them come at me with the pliers and drill.
So, what was the first thing I did with my new metalless mouth? Well, I didn't eat corn on the cob, like I had originally planned, because the lady with the pliers told me that I should wait for my teeth to settle into the bone more - she was worried that eating anything too hard would pull them out of alignment. I couldn't argue with her on that one, because once you've gone through everything that I have, you don't want to take any chances.
I don't remember what I ate, but I do know how awesome it was to brush my teeth for the first time without all that metal in my mouth. It was so...easy. Brushing your teeth is awesome! The brush feels so good against your teeth and gums. I don't know why we don't do it all the time, like for fun:
Imaginary friend in alternate universe where teeth brushing is uber cool: Hey Savia, what do you want to do this weekend? Live music, hanging at the pub, going to a movie?
Savia: Why don't we all get together and brush our teeth?
Imaginary friend: Why didn't I think of that? That's the Best Idea Ever!
Savia: And get this, after we brush, we are totally going to floss!
Imaginary friend: Hooray!!
And flossing! Oh, my God, flossing! Why did I ever not floss before? It's practically effortless. Just glide that string between my nicely spaced teeth and I'm done in a few seconds. People who have never had braces don't understand how awesome flossing is. Once you have to maneuver around wires and brackets for a few years, you want to do it all the time when it's easy again.
After all the gratuitous oral hygiene, I did something that I've wanted to do for the past year and a half. I told Superstar that I had something important to show him and that he had to come over right away.
Once he walked in the door, I grabbed him and made out with him like a horny teenager.
You see, the entire time we've been together, I've had braces, so I didn't know what it was like to kiss him without them. A year and a half is a long time to wait for that kind of thing, so I wasn't willing to wait any longer.
And I must say...it was awesome. If anything was worth the wait, it was this. Superstar is one awesome kisser.
As for my other friends, I didn't post my news online because I wanted to show them myself. I thought they would just notice right away, but none of them did. I had to resort to staring at them and grinning like a maniac until their fight or flight instinct kicked their brains into high gear and they exclaimed, "Oh, you got your braces off!"
Yes, yes I did. Thanks for noticing.
And man, was it a hard secret to keep. I have a big mouth, and this is something that has to do with my mouth, so it was even more difficult to shut up about, so to speak.
Three weeks ago today, I went to see my orthodontist for a ten-minute check-up. He just wanted to see how my teeth were progressing so we could talk about the potential of getting my braces off in the next month or so.
He looked at my teeth and said, "They're perfect. Take them off!"
I looked at him, puzzled. "So, I should make an appointment to get the braces taken off, then?"
He said, "No. Take them off now."
"You mean, right now?" I asked, incredulously.
"Yes."
"But I don't even have my camera with me!" I cried.
I am such a blogger, jeez.
Next thing you know, they're coming at me with pliers and a drill. Two hours later, I was brace-free and grinning ear to ear. I'm sure the grinning had nothing to do with all the painkillers I downed before I'd let them come at me with the pliers and drill.
So, what was the first thing I did with my new metalless mouth? Well, I didn't eat corn on the cob, like I had originally planned, because the lady with the pliers told me that I should wait for my teeth to settle into the bone more - she was worried that eating anything too hard would pull them out of alignment. I couldn't argue with her on that one, because once you've gone through everything that I have, you don't want to take any chances.
I don't remember what I ate, but I do know how awesome it was to brush my teeth for the first time without all that metal in my mouth. It was so...easy. Brushing your teeth is awesome! The brush feels so good against your teeth and gums. I don't know why we don't do it all the time, like for fun:
Imaginary friend in alternate universe where teeth brushing is uber cool: Hey Savia, what do you want to do this weekend? Live music, hanging at the pub, going to a movie?
Savia: Why don't we all get together and brush our teeth?
Imaginary friend: Why didn't I think of that? That's the Best Idea Ever!
Savia: And get this, after we brush, we are totally going to floss!
Imaginary friend: Hooray!!
And flossing! Oh, my God, flossing! Why did I ever not floss before? It's practically effortless. Just glide that string between my nicely spaced teeth and I'm done in a few seconds. People who have never had braces don't understand how awesome flossing is. Once you have to maneuver around wires and brackets for a few years, you want to do it all the time when it's easy again.
After all the gratuitous oral hygiene, I did something that I've wanted to do for the past year and a half. I told Superstar that I had something important to show him and that he had to come over right away.
Once he walked in the door, I grabbed him and made out with him like a horny teenager.
You see, the entire time we've been together, I've had braces, so I didn't know what it was like to kiss him without them. A year and a half is a long time to wait for that kind of thing, so I wasn't willing to wait any longer.
And I must say...it was awesome. If anything was worth the wait, it was this. Superstar is one awesome kisser.
As for my other friends, I didn't post my news online because I wanted to show them myself. I thought they would just notice right away, but none of them did. I had to resort to staring at them and grinning like a maniac until their fight or flight instinct kicked their brains into high gear and they exclaimed, "Oh, you got your braces off!"
Yes, yes I did. Thanks for noticing.
August 6, 2008
Do Re Meme
I am: awake too late on a work night.
I think: about most things far more than I should.
I know: I can write. It's the one thing I've always been sure of in my life.
I have: two cats and a dog.
I wish: my stomach didn't hurt right now.
I hate: people who take advantage of other people.
I miss: Superstar. He's visiting his family on the coast and doesn't come back for a few more weeks.
I fear: losing control.
I hear: the fan in my bedroom that is a poor substitute for air conditioning.
I smell: unpleasantness.
I crave: chocolate. And sex.
I search: for knowledge and beauty.
I wonder: what it all means.
I regret: trusting the wrong people.
I love: a man who is a delicious walking contradiction, and who loves me right back.
I ache: in my stomach. Poutine is not a good nighttime snack.
I am not: outdoorsy, athletic or traditional.
I believe: I can fly. If I weren't scared of heights, that is.
I dance: in my bra, with a jingly coin belt and fake eyelashes.
I sing: in a musical this fall for the first time since my jaw surgery. Wish me luck!
I cry: less often these days. Hooray for kicking anxiety's sorry ass! (for now, anyway)
I fight: for the underdog, and for what's right.
I win: in the end.
I lose: weight when I'm really stressed out and anxious. Which is why I've gained some in the past while ;)
I never: have had casual sex. It's always been in a serious relationship.
I always: look on the bright side of life. Doo doo do do do do do doo.
I confuse: trust and acquaintanceship. Acquaintanceship and friendship. Friendship and loyalty. I'm a confused kind of gal.
I listen: in class. And I'm one of those people who talks, too.
I can usually be found: at a computer, or covered in paint.
I am scared: I won't ever figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
I need: security and excitement.
I am happy about: The way things are going in my life these days. And the fact that this year is going to be over in a few more months.
I imagine: what it will be like to no longer be in pain everyday (because of the jaw surgery recovery) and not have to drag my ass out of bed (on the days I can get out of bed) because of the anemia. It will be pretty damn good, I reckon. I'm almost there. Just gotta keep taking the baby steps...
I think: about most things far more than I should.
I know: I can write. It's the one thing I've always been sure of in my life.
I have: two cats and a dog.
I wish: my stomach didn't hurt right now.
I hate: people who take advantage of other people.
I miss: Superstar. He's visiting his family on the coast and doesn't come back for a few more weeks.
I fear: losing control.
I hear: the fan in my bedroom that is a poor substitute for air conditioning.
I smell: unpleasantness.
I crave: chocolate. And sex.
I search: for knowledge and beauty.
I wonder: what it all means.
I regret: trusting the wrong people.
I love: a man who is a delicious walking contradiction, and who loves me right back.
I ache: in my stomach. Poutine is not a good nighttime snack.
I am not: outdoorsy, athletic or traditional.
I believe: I can fly. If I weren't scared of heights, that is.
I dance: in my bra, with a jingly coin belt and fake eyelashes.
I sing: in a musical this fall for the first time since my jaw surgery. Wish me luck!
I cry: less often these days. Hooray for kicking anxiety's sorry ass! (for now, anyway)
I fight: for the underdog, and for what's right.
I win: in the end.
I lose: weight when I'm really stressed out and anxious. Which is why I've gained some in the past while ;)
I never: have had casual sex. It's always been in a serious relationship.
I always: look on the bright side of life. Doo doo do do do do do doo.
I confuse: trust and acquaintanceship. Acquaintanceship and friendship. Friendship and loyalty. I'm a confused kind of gal.
I listen: in class. And I'm one of those people who talks, too.
I can usually be found: at a computer, or covered in paint.
I am scared: I won't ever figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
I need: security and excitement.
I am happy about: The way things are going in my life these days. And the fact that this year is going to be over in a few more months.
I imagine: what it will be like to no longer be in pain everyday (because of the jaw surgery recovery) and not have to drag my ass out of bed (on the days I can get out of bed) because of the anemia. It will be pretty damn good, I reckon. I'm almost there. Just gotta keep taking the baby steps...
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