Un-bridaled shower

The Bee is marrying her soul mate in a few weeks, so you know what that means: more wedding showers and stagettes for Savia. If you haven't figured it out already, I'll spell it out: I'm not a traditional kinda gal. If I ever get married, which I'm not entirely sure I want to do, there will be no white dress, no bridesmaids, and no minister telling me who and when to kiss. Savia don't play that.

But I accept that not everyone is like me, and what I want most is for my friends to be happy and have the kind of weddings they can look back on with no regrets. So, even though it's not what I would do, I support their decisions and play along with the traditions.

But that doesn't mean that I'm well-behaved at these events, as we have witnessed. So far, there was the wedding where I traumatized an old lady by making out with Jane, the one where Jane and I tried to go skinny dipping, and the one where I made out with the bride at the reception head table and created no end of havoc.

I think a pattern is emerging. Hey, it's not my fault there are always hot chicks at these things.

A few weeks ago, I got two invites: one to the Bee's stagette, and the other to her wedding shower. The invitation said that the theme of the stagette was "A Glamorous Stagette" and that we should all dress "glam" for it.

I got excited, and wrote back: "Now, how 'glam' are we talking? Will people be wearing prom dresses?" because I thought that was a pretty awesome concept for a stagette. I was impressed the Bee's friend had thought of it, because I had been under the impression that she was a more traditional type.

The response I got back was laden with diplomacy. (The voice I hear in my head when I read it is very flat and stilted, like, "I'm trying very hard not to judge you.") It said: "In terms of 'glam', it can be anything you feel fabulous in. Now if it's a prom dress, go for it, but I don't know that anyone has expressed taking it that far. I am wearing a little black dress or a pair of nice black dress pants with a sexy top (weather pending)."

Of course, I couldn't just leave it at that. I wrote back: "Clearly, my brain doesn't work the same as normal people's. When I read 'glam', I think either prom dress or 80s glam rocker. Or an interesting combination of the two. Which, come to think of it, hmmmm....."

Which elicited another heavily diplomatic response to wear whatever I felt comfortable in. So, yeah, not as non-traditional as I had thought.

Last night was the Bee's wedding shower, a potluck affair. I've met her close friends in passing on several occasions, but I really don't know them well. In fact, I pretty much didn't know anyone at the event, save the Bee and her mom. But there were mimosas, so that helped.

After the munching, we, of course, had to play shower games. I am, for the most part, anti-shower games. Though I will pick wedding shower games over lame baby shower games any day of the week. And did I mention that there were mimosas? Because there were. And they were good.

Still, when they announced that we were going to play the "let's made wedding dresses out of toilet paper" game, I threw up in my mouth a little. For one, the tree hugger in me cringes to see toilet paper being wasted this way. But it also always goes the same way - everyone makes traditional wedding dresses out of toilet paper. There's creativity, but it's all within a narrow traditional vein.

When I got put in a group with the funky bridesmaid with the face piercings, bleach blond spiky hair, and funky fashion sense, I jumped up and down. If anyone was going to be cool with my plans, it would be her. The other two women who were in our group were older ladies who were friends with the Bee's mom.

I sucked back my mimosa with one gulp and announced to my group, "Okay, here's the concept: we're going with slutty chic."

I was surprised when not only did they not bat an eyelash at my suggestion, but they also embraced it. One of the ladies immediately said, "The dress needs to be crotchless!" I liked her.

As the three other teams made strapless, elegant toilet paper gowns, we fashioned a bikini top, crotchless thong panties, knee pads and wrist guards. We topped it off with over sized bows on her head and ass, and circular glow sticks underneath her top so it would look like her nipples were glowing through the toilet paper.

And the piece de resistance? When my idea for nipple tassels didn't work out, I said, "It just needs something more...I know! She needs a whip." The two older ladies jumped to the task, braiding a whip handle out of toilet paper with a makeshift cat o' nine tails.

In case you were wondering, we totally won the competition. Who says tradition has to be boring?