December 25, 2007
Danger! Danger! My arms are flailing wildly!
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December 25, 2007
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December 23, 2007
Happy holidays
A phone call in early October. Superstar and Savia broke up in early September because the long-distance thing was too difficult, but still keep in touch and care about each other.
Superstar: So...when I come to Saskatchewan to visit my family for Christmas, I'm not using my plane ticket home.
Savia: What do you mean?
Superstar: I'm going to stay there. I'm moving to Saskatchewan.
Savia: What?
Superstar: I'll stay with my sister until I can find a job, and then we can have the chance to be in the same place to see if we can work.
Savia: Oh, my God. [bursts into tears]
Superstar: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've realized that I'm never going to be the kind of person who is passionate about a career or anything like that. There are a lot of things that I enjoy and that I'm good at, but I'm not passionate about them, you know? But that's how I feel about you, so I figure that I should follow that.
Savia: [still crying] No one has ever done anything like that for me before.
Superstar: Well, I am.
Savia: So, we're actually going to be in the same place?
Superstar: Yes.
Savia: And we can have a real, functional relationship?
Superstar: Yes
Savia: I don't think I've ever had one of those before. I don't know if I can get my head around this...
Superstar: Well, you've got some time to get used to the idea. I'm arriving on December 15.
And you wonder why I haven't been posting that much these days. Let's just say we've had a little...catching up to do.
Meeeoowwwwww.
Labels: holidays, relationships, superstar
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December 19, 2007
How-to masturbation video, anyone?
A follow-up message from the fabulous Madam Diva about her guest post ...
So, the instructional video for the Rock Chick is back up and running. You can find that here....
And for the guys, don't think you have to be left out! They've made one for YOU too!! It's called the "Rude Boy Prostate Massager"
Hm... perhaps the perfect Festivus gift for Superstar, Savia?? Or B-rad??
:D
Any of you dudes wanna try it out and send a review???
Labels: guest post, Madam Diva, sex
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December 16, 2007
Rocking the Rock Chick
Madam Diva and I have been talking for months about doing guest posts for each other. She kept her end of the bargain and sent me an awesome product review of my favourite sex toy. Ah, a woman after my own heart. Enjoy!
***
Some of you may have heard of this most amazing device called the Rock Chick. If you are a regular reader here at this blog, you'd know that Savia has practically married her Rock Chick (whom she duly named Hawksley) and has been on a One Woman Campaign to ensure that every woman at least knows about this fabulous purple device in the hopes that we will all someday keep one in our bedside toy boxes, and through the glorious earth shattering orgasms that they bring - will find a way to live in peace and happiness and end world hunger, war, and bitchiness. She's a peach like that.
Some of you may know that i am a sex toy lady, meaning, i am one of those gals who will come to your house with a Rubbermaid container filled with lotions, potions, oils, and many many vibrating friendly titillating clit teasers, and various colourful, curved penetrators. I had never heard of this Rock Chick before, so when Savia returned from London and wrote about this magnificent piece of machinery... i was... intrigued.
After searching through the full-meal-deal catalogue that us sex toy consultants get, i was sad to see that my supplier does not carry this toy... and that if i wanted it... i would have to... GASP!!!! PAY FULL PRICE!?!?!??? So, as i hadn't had the funds readily available, i waited.
My sexy hubby B-rad and i were hanging out on the couch one evening not so long ago, watching porn as we often do, there was an ad for a popular adult toy shop - my competition **EEK** who were advertising a 50% off sale. i thought to myself... "50% Off eh??" (Yes, Some of us Canadians do say 'eh', but with me it was more like... Sherlock Holmes... Eehhhhhhhhhhhhh??)
i picked Fiona, my laptop and life mate, off her resting place on the coffee table and entered in the URL - did a two word search for...ROCK CHICK and was ecstatic when that happy little purple curved dealie showed up on the screen.... and with the 50% off codeword i had snagged by watching TV porn... i whipped out the hubby's credit card (he's such a sweetheart) and purchased...my very own.... Rock Chick for the low low price of...$38.00 +S/H and Tax.
i was so excited, i practically giggled with glee as i emailed Savia to let her know of my new purchase! i had never seen this toy in person, but i knew that if Savia said it was worth fucking, then IT was WORTH FUCKING.
And then.
i waited.
And waited.
And waited.... until i thought - did i put my address in right? and i continued to wait, and eventually it was pushed to the side of my brain as the Tool Concert rapidly approached.
If any of you read MY BLOG, you'll know that Maynard - the front man for Tool, is in my opinion - one of the sexiest men who walk the planet. Much the way Savia loves Hawksley.
The day of the concert approached... and when i arrived home from work, i found a package at my front door...What's this?? TOOL, Maynard...ANNNND the Rock Chick all in one day?? The Heavens smiled at me. Thank you heavens. Thank you for this perfect day of Tool Concert + Vibrator.
But due to the concert-going festivities, i didn't get to the package right away, other than to take it out of the envelope and take a picture of it with my Tool Tickets. Nerd.
My lesbian friend Muffy and i did take it out of the package to inspect it. First thought - it was a lot softer than i imagined it would be. It's made of "medical-grade" silicone, and therefore it has a lot of movement and warmed to body temperature when you held it in your hand - which is a good thing. Nobody likes a freezing cold vibrator - unless you have an ice fetish. This was not your rock hard latex vibrator. "But how does it work?" Muffy asked. puzzled, we both stood in my bedroom, Rock Chick in hand, scratching our heads pondering the physics of this ergonomic design.
"My guess is, you stick this part inside...and then...uhm..."
"What does this do?"
"Hm."
"What if you...what? Wait. Hm."
After a few moments of pondering i realized there were instructions ON the package. Not only insertion instructions, but suggestions as well!!
This is what the package has to say:
Ways to Rock Out: Besides using your hand(s) to guide the rocking motion of the Rock Chick it is also designed to be used hands free. Position yourself comfortably on the bed with your legs extended and arms stretched out behind you. Now, slowly start to rock your body back and forth against the Rock Chick. Vary the position of your body until you find what works best for you. Vary the speed of your rocking to increase or decrease stimulation. Alternatively, use the Rock Chick while sitting on the edge of a bed or a chair.
And way on the bottom there was a website directing you to an online instructional video??? Unfortunately, the link was under construction... so i couldn't watch it. The day came where i had a free evening, and a couple hours to myself to wine and dine my new Rock Chick...Whom i have duly dubbed: Maynard...natch.
At first go, i thought i would never figure out how to get it in at an angle that was hitting the Golden Spot. "Okay, Laura. Don't get frustrated, and don't get tense, that will only work against you!". So, try again. This time i lubed him up but good before trying again. Okay, better.
i switched on the vibrating bullet - "HOLY JEBUS!!" i could scarcely believe such a wee little gaffer could spout out THAT much power. Due to the soft silicone material, the entire toy vibrated... from the G-spot curve, to the ridges on the other end which rubbed, quite delightfully, on my clit. Those British Silicone-Adult-Massager Crafters are brilliant, i tell you. It's like the Dyson of vibrators.
Now for the ultimate hands free test...let's start the 'rocking'...
....
oh.........
my............
GOD....
Being a sex toy lady and due partly to the fact that i need to have some product knowledge of the items i sell - i have a fair bit of experience with vibrators, and masturbation... and nothing i have ever used has ever been able to make me cum... quite. like. this.
i'm not sure if it was BECAUSE of the rocking motion, or the fact that i had both my hands free, or a combination of the two and any other factors that i may or may not be aware of... but daaaaaaaaaammmnnnnn...
Since the first Rock Chick earth shattering orgasm, i have been privileged to have been able to take it for a few more spin-around-the-block...in different positions, on the edge of the bed, on a chair, straddling, laying down. The results are always high intensity spine tingling orgasms.
i wish,...i WISH that my company sold this toy. i wish i could give them out to random women on the sidewalk. A kinkier, sexier version of Santa bringing little bundles of Festivus joy to the nice girls, and even more so for the naughty ones.
Ladies, you owe it to yourself and your G-spot to own this toy. Partners, don't be afraid. You can never be completely replaced...as far as i know, the Rock Chick doesn't cuddle afterwards, try as i might.
Labels: guest post, Madam Diva, sex
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December 13, 2007
Porn postcard
Schmutzie was offering up smutty postcards on her Twitter recently, so of course I signed up. Why was she doing this? My guess is to ensure that people pronounce her name properly. It's Schmutzie, like "smut", not "schmoot" or whatever else you're thinking (and now that you have that naughty association in your head, you'll never pronounce it wrong again, will you?)
The postcard arrived today, not on its own as postcards normally do, but in a discreet envelope. I thought Schmutzie was being a bit conservative, but then I saw the card. Yup, I'm not sure what Canada Post would have done with this:
She wrote on the back, "I thought you'd like the hot lesbo action. One of them has a bit of a moustachio."
Thanks for making my day, lady. Between the card and the very, very awesomely naughty story that Madam Diva told me on the phone this morning, I'm a happy camper. Now, if only that vibrator I ordered at Abigail's sex toy party would arrive already...
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December 10, 2007
2007 Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert
That title was very hard to type. Anyway, Neil over at Citizen of the Month is having an online concert where he's asked bloggers with some musical talent to sing or play something festive. Even though I am not feeling overly festive right now, I sang a little ditty. It was the least I could do. He did send me his penis, after all.
Check out the concert here.
Merry Miscellaneous Festive Holiday to all!
Labels: performance
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December 7, 2007
Project hope
I ran across an ad for this York University psychological study on Facebook, of all places. The name, "Project Hope", intrigued me. As I read more, I found that it's about how psychological exercises can improve your mood and help with anxiety and depression.
Sign me up.
It's pretty intensive - you have to log into it every day for a period of time, but it's worth a shot. My first exercise involves writing down one positive childhood memory a day for a week. The email outlining the exercise mentioned that we tend to focus on negative, traumatic memories of childhood, which sets us up for anxiety and depression.
They're right. I'm sitting here trying to think of my earliest positive childhood memory, and all that comes to me is my mother in the hospital when I was two, being molested by a baby-sitter at the age of four, and my father passed out drunk on the bathroom floor when I was six.
This is going to be harder than I thought. But hopefully worthwhile in the end. I'll let you know how it goes.
Labels: anxiety, depression
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