June 14, 2007
Sit on my house
I've made a few mentions about heading to Italy this summer to see my family, but I haven't really gotten into it because there was a part of me that wondered if it would really happen. Would I be accepted to that conference to which I had applied? Could I get time off work to go? Would I have enough money? Would my family even be around or want me to come? Would I have enough guts to get on a plane all by myself and go to another country to visit people who are essentially strangers?
And about that time, the anxiety attack would settle in.
But now, with all those questions answered, several grammatically incorrect emails from my Italian cousins in my inbox, a huge credit card bill and plane tickets in hand, I can say: Viva Italia! I'm a goin', baby. One week in London and two weeks in Italy, leaving Canada less than a month from now (and not to mention a two-day layover in T-dot to visit the fabulous Jane and get into all kinds of trouble.) It feels very surreal, particularly the fact that I got accepted into an international conference and will be presenting a paper in London, which means the majority of my trip there gets funded by a variety of grants - sweet!
So, now, the question is what to do about the house and the pets during that time? I used to have this really great house sitter. She was the girlfriend of a friend of mine, a grad student from another country who needed to work for cash under the table. She took care of the house and the pets and was an absolute sweetheart. But now she's gone back to where she came from. I have a few people I've asked to house sit but they're going to be away. The Bee is going to ask her little brother if he'll do it for me, and I'm sure he would be wonderful...I just have to cleanse myself of the idea that someone else is likely to have sex in my bed.
Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind cleansing myself of the idea of a few people with whom I've had sex in that bed. Mind you, all I have to do to accomplish that is to think about the time Superstar and I moved it from one end of the room to the other, if you know what I'm sayin'.
And now, that's all I can think about. Damn, he's hot. Damn, if he were here right now...well, we could move the bed back to the other side of the room.
And now, I'm thinking about that. Damn. Seriously hot. Mmmmm...
Now, where was I?
Oh, yeah, I was going to tell you a story. Years ago, I was dating this guy, a bigger guy, and I found a pair of his underwear under my bed. It was a pair of plaid boxer shorts, size XL. The relationship hadn't gone to complete shit yet, so I thought it was kind of sweet that he had left something at my house. They were huge on me, but I didn't care, and wore them to bed for a week straight before I threw them in the laundry and took them over to his place.
Savia: Here, you left these at my place.
Dude: Thanks....Uh...these aren't mine.
Savia: Yeah, they are. I found them under my bed and they're your size and...they're yours.
Dude: No, they're not.
Savia: But that doesn't make any sense.
Dude: They're not mine.
Savia:...unless...they must be [house sitter's boyfriend's]. He would wear that size.
The harsh reality of the situation starts sinking in.
Savia: Oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. OH MY GOD!!
Dude: Why are you freaking out so much?
Savia: I wore them all week!
Dude: Well, you washed them, didn't you?
Savia: No! I thought they were yours!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!
Sometimes, you have to remind yourself that there are much worse things than the thought of someone else having sex in your bed. Like them having sex in your bed and you wearing their dirty underwear for a week afterward.
In other words, do your worst, Bee's little bro. I can handle it.Labels: Italy, sex, superstar
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June 8, 2007
Say cheese
At the orthodontist's office:
Ortho: Yup, you're pretty much ready for surgery. They could call you at any time.
Savia: I really don't want to think about that right now. It's too surreal.
Ortho: Your surgeon is really good, though.
Savia: Yeah, he's been doing this almost as long as I've been alive, hey?
Ortho: I've been working with him for 26 years - he's done almost all my surgeries.
Savia: Wow. 26 years. That's a really good sign. You must work really well together... Well, either that, or you've got some major blackmail material on each other.
Ortho: Blackmail?
Savia: Yeah. Like one of you has a picture of the other one with a goat.
Ortho: A goat? [pause] We don't do that.Labels: misc, orthodontics
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