October 9, 2007
Savia the rock star, or how I spent my weekend
This weekend, I:- Spent $85 on a hairdo that lasted 12 hours.
- Impressed the wedding make-up artist with my passion for eye makeup (More eyeliner. No, more. Like black, and thick and extending past my eye. And lashes, lots of lashes! I want glam. Glam! No, seriously, you need to put more eyeliner past the corners of my eyes) and willingness to try green eyeshadow for the first time, which I'm pleased to say that I was able to pull off. Because I'm a rock star.
- Made a spectacle of coming back down the aisle, where I got the best man to dip me on the way out (the bride and groom had dipped and kissed in the same spot). The rest of the wedding party then followed suit, much to the guests' and officiant's delight.
- Managed not to use the terms "motherfucker", "cocksucker", "fucking hell", "fuck me with a spatula" or "if she doesn't like it, fuck her in the ear" during any of my MC duties (though I did rename myself the Mistress of Ceremonies. The groom's mom loved that one and referred to me as Mistress Savia for the remainder of the weekend.)
- Refrained from hitting on the ever-so-cute best man, who has a girlfriend who lives with him and whose house I was staying at.
- Called the bluff of the gratuitously flirtatious groomsman, who turned out to be all talk and no action. I grabbed his ass and called him a clit tease.
- Vamped unapologetically for the cameras, both video and still.
- Convinced the guests that they had to sing instead of clink their glasses to get the bride and groom to kiss, and kicked it off with an impromptu a capella performance of "Sing Sing" by Serena Ryder.
- Made out with the bride in front of everyone at the reception (leaving a half moon of burgundy lipstick on her chin) when someone sang into the microphone and the groom wasn't around to kiss her.
- Made out with her again when the cameraman was upset that he didn't get a photo of the first make out session. (After which he kept showing everyone a close-up of the pic in the camera display window, saying, "You're a better kisser than the groom. Look at that! When you go for it, you just latch on, don't you?" To which I responded, "Hell, yeah. I'm Italian." Then we high-fived, because we Latin lovers need to stick together.)
- Told my former braces buddy (bastard got his off eight months ago) all about the wonders of the Rock Chick.
- Caught the bouquet, right out from in front of the face of the best man's girlfriend. Which probably saved her from losing an eye, because the very pointy stems were coming straight for her. However, this is the second bouquet I've caught in a row, which makes me a bit nervous.
Spent $85 on a hairdo that lasted 12 hours.
Impressed the wedding make-up artist with my passion for eye makeup (More eyeliner. No, more. Like black, and thick and extending past my eye. And lashes, lots of lashes! I want glam. Glam! No, seriously, you need to put more eyeliner past the corners of my eyes) and willingness to try green eyeshadow for the first time, which I'm pleased to say that I was able to pull off. Because I'm a rock star.
Made a spectacle of coming back down the aisle, where I got the best man to dip me on the way out (the bride and groom had dipped and kissed in the same spot). The rest of the wedding party then followed suit, much to the guests' and officiant's delight.
Managed not to use the terms "motherfucker", "cocksucker", "fucking hell", "fuck me with a spatula" or "if she doesn't like it, fuck her in the ear" during any of my MC duties (though I did rename myself the Mistress of Ceremonies. The groom's mom loved that one and referred to me as Mistress Savia for the remainder of the weekend.)
Refrained from hitting on the ever-so-cute best man, who has a girlfriend who lives with him and whose house I was staying at.
Called the bluff of the gratuitously flirtatious groomsman, who turned out to be all talk and no action. I grabbed his ass and called him a clit tease.
Vamped unapologetically for the cameras, both video and still.
Convinced the guests that they had to sing instead of clink their glasses to get the bride and groom to kiss, and kicked it off with an impromptu a capella performance of "Sing Sing" by Serena Ryder.
Made out with the bride in front of everyone at the reception (leaving a half moon of burgundy lipstick on her chin) when someone sang into the microphone and the groom wasn't around to kiss her.
Made out with her again when the cameraman was upset that he didn't get a photo of the first make out session. (After which he kept showing everyone a close-up of the pic in the camera display window, saying, "You're a better kisser than the groom. Look at that! When you go for it, you just latch on, don't you?" To which I responded, "Hell, yeah. I'm Italian." Then we high-fived, because we Latin lovers need to stick together.)
Told my former braces buddy (bastard got his off eight months ago) all about the wonders of the Rock Chick.
Caught the bouquet, right out from in front of the face of the best man's girlfriend. Which probably saved her from losing an eye, because the very pointy stems were coming straight for her. However, this is the second bouquet I've caught in a row, which makes me a bit nervous.
The ominous bouquet, deceptively pretty, yet deadly in its predictions and trajectory.
- Got an astrological reading from my friend Willow that absolutely blew my mind.
- Spent an insane amount of time with Orpheus and Musically Speaking, two of my most favourite people in the world, who totally "get" me and find my fixation on vibrators, sex, threesomes, and shiny things endearing.
- Acquired a new piece of art, which I have named Fred the Head (because I seem to name all of my art Fred for some reason.) He reminds me that when something is truly beautiful, its flaws make it even more so.
Fred the Head.
Unless you've got a better name for him.
Yes, that is a challenge and there will be prizes.
Labels: art, astrology, weddings
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