Our best moments

My friend The Homemaker sent me an incredible email a few weeks ago, and I wanted to share this passage with you:

Our best moments may not always be the ones we share with others. Our best moments in life are the ones that we don't get recognition for, where we are alone and suffering, when we are deciding to take a stand and be the best person we can be for ourselves. You have done that.

Can you believe that she sometimes complains that she can't write? Those words were one of the most beautiful gifts anyone has ever given me.

Picture perfect

If you have to play a character on stage who has a huge pole shoved up her ass...

...then your expression in the head shot in the lobby should make it look as though you knew exactly how much lube to put on said pole to get it that far up there.

When I saw it (the picture, not the pole or the lube, in case you were wondering), I couldn't help but think how proud Lynn would be. I have a feeling she would definitely approve.

(Hmmm...I guess I did find that pole after all, hey?)

Damn, I seriously owe that photographer a drink!

A class act

On Saturday, some friends and I went to a burlesque show. It was actually a lot more fun than I thought it would be. We dressed up all saucy, with low cut tops, lacy skirts, fishnet stockings, fake eyelashes, and insanely high heels, and made a night of it. And, what topped things off was that I actually won a prize - a 26 oz bottle of vodka for guessing how many jelly beans were sewn to one of the dancers' dresses.

After the show, a male friend and I were walking back to the car. I was holding on to him for balance as I attempted to walk (rather than wobble) on my insanely high heels. I heard a voice call my name and saw a girl with whom I had gone to high school in line to get into one of the other bars on the strip.

Girl: [with a somewhat judgmental tone] You look like you're having a good time, Savia.
Savia: Hey, how's it going?

I couldn't figure out why she was looking at me weird, and then I realized: I am dressed like a hooker, stumbling down the street like I'm strung out on something, swinging a 26 oz bottle of vodka. Nice.

Then I hear some random guy behind me say, "Hey, that chick is stumbling down the street carrying a bottle of vodka!"

I turned around and yelled, "Is there something wrong with that??"

What makes this even more amusing is the fact that I was stone cold sober at the time. So, yes, there will be a few rumours going around about me at the next class reunion. Oh well, at least they won't be boring ones...

In spackle we trust

Saturday, noon, outside a wine bar where Savia and some friends have just partaken in sangria and decadent food. Two Servants of God approach, wearing name tags that say "Sister" and expressions that are more glazed than the honey dips at Tim Horton's.

Drea: We've painted every room in the house, blown insulation into all the walls, and now we're working on the drywall...
Sister: We have an urgent message. Blah blah blah. The world is an evil place. Blah blah blah. God is the only answer. Blah blah blah. Do you have a belief in God?
Drea: Right now, I have a belief in spackle. Gotta go.

Best. Rebuttal. Ever.

How do you respond when well-meaning but glazed-eyed people are trying to save your soul from the firey pits of hell?

I got nailed

Aren't my nails pretty? They even come with a good story.

Last weekend, I made some last-minute plans to visit my friend Musically Speaking in C-dot. I just needed to get away from all the drama for awhile and clear my head, and I knew no better way than to spend some time with her and her fiancé, K.

On Saturday, we got up and went for an amazing brunch downtown, which included mimosas that made us a little tipsy, as we're both lightweights. I became fixated on the store down the street, and was looking forward to checking out the clothes there.

Savia: After we're done eating, can we go to Winners?
Musically Speaking: I really want to go for tea instead. We can go to Winners after.
Savia: But the tea place is across town and Winners is just down the street. Wouldn't it make more sense to go to Winners first since we're here anyway, or are you really that set on having tea right now?
Musically Speaking: I'm really that set on having tea right now.

I'm thinking, okay, she must really like her tea. Or that mimosa has done something to scramble her brain, because she's usually not this bossy. But whatever, she has listened to me cry on the phone more times than I can count, and she's opened up her home to me this weekend and is taking me all over the city to show me a good time, so if she wants her tea that bad, then so be it.

We went to the tea place, which was actually very cool. There were more varieties of infusions and dried leaves than I had ever seen in my life. I had some lovely hot vanilla green tea, while Musically Speaking and K got their teas iced. About halfway through her tea, Musically Speaking started acting really strange and restless.

Musically Speaking: Okay, we should get going.
Savia: But we just got here. And you're not done your tea yet.
Musically Speaking: We really have to get going now.

Uh. Alright. You've been talking about taking me to this tea place all week, and you dragged me away from my precious Winners to come here, and now you want to go. How much booze was in that mimosa anyway? I was beginning to think Musically Speaking was far more quirky than I had previously thought. Perhaps I had just not spent enough time with her to see it before? I decided to go along with what she wanted, since she was so insistent.

So, we left the tea place and went downstairs, where a very posh spa happened to be located. How do I know it was posh? Musically Speaking picked up one of the moisturizers and showed me the price tag on it. Yikes! I don't even want to tell you what it said. While I was picking my eyeballs off the floor, I heard her say, "Appointment for Savia and Musically Speaking."

My mouth dropped open. It turns out that the moment she found out I was coming to visit, she made us an appointment for paraffin manicures. She wanted to do something nice to cheer me up and help me relax. I was so incredibly touched by her generosity and thoughtfulness. I've never had anyone do something so kind for me before. I'm still floored by it.

We had an amazing time, chatting, lounging around in robes for hours, drinking flavoured waters and tea, and hanging out in the sauna. It was a truly perfect day. And, yes, I did eventually make it to Winners.

Although the paint is starting to chip on the nails, the memory of that day will always remain. Thanks Musically Speaking - you truly are a kindred spirit.

You're beautiful

I read this today and it took my breath away. It put into words so many of the things I've been feeling lately. I hope you like it, too.

Braces buddies 4ever

Ever since I got braces about six months ago, I've noticed the multitude of people walking around with those metal things strapped to their teeth. They're everywhere! It's kind of like when you buy a new car, let's say it's a silver Toyota, and then you notice that it seems like everyone drives a silver Toyota nowadays.

When I see people with braces, I feel a special bond with them - like we are sharing this experience together. I am compelled to go up to them and start a conversation. But this is me, so I can't start a conversation like a normal person. It goes a little something like this...

A restaurant. Savia is out for supper with Musically Speaking and K.

Manager: Stops at table. I understand that you requested to speak to a manager.
Savia: No, but... [Noticing his braces] Hey! Braces buddy! High five! [forces manager to high five her]

We then got into an in-depth conversation about braces and jaw surgery, while the people at the table next to us, who had actually asked to speak to a manager, glared at us impatiently.

This amused Musically Speaking to no end, because she has seen me use "Braces buddy! High five!" as an opening line on more than one occasion. The last time was at her brother's wedding, when I spent the night chatting up her 15-year-old cousin. The line worked so well that I actually have a picture of him sitting on my lap. We make a cute couple. (What can I say? I like them young. Less baggage.) Part of our conversation that night went like this:

Savia: [Thinking that because he's 15, he's all innocent and hasn't kissed a girl yet] A lot of people think braces makes kissing difficult, but it doesn't at all, you know.
Braces Buddy: Oh, I know. I've kissed other people with braces, too.
Savia: Really. Have you kissed other people when you've both had braces?
Braces Buddy: Yup.
Savia: What was that like?
Braces Buddy: The same, but with more texture.

So, friendternets, here's the deal. Schmutzie has been working on a new template for me and when she gets it done, I'm going to need a new tagline to go with it. How about: Saviabella...now with more texture or, alternatively, Saviaballa...ribbed for your pleasure.

Hell, you're the ones reading this puppy, and you're pretty darn creative at that. I'm curious to know what you'll come up with - drop a tagline in the comments for me.