Not the Grouch, or that brand of broom that was popular a few years ago. I'm talking about Oskar the cat. If you read Schmutzie or Palinode, you will know about Oskar. In fact, he is the most highly searched topic on Schmutzie's blog. And if you are acquainted with the topic of Oskar, you will know that he is an over-caffinated, yowling hellian who likes to paint on the walls with his own doodie. What you may not know is that I volunteered to take care of this little freak for two weeks while his parents are living it up in the wilds of Costa Rica. In exchange, I have been promised a fabulous sushi dinner filled with witty banter from the Schmutz and the Node, as well as the endangerment of some element of plant or animal life in the rainforest. Preferably a species of insect. Hey, I like to make my mark on the world.
At first, I was going to go to the Pickles' abode every day or so to check in on the little nutbar, but I thought it would be far more fun to do social experiments on him and my animals: the smartass, the dumbass and the freakbot. I figured we already have Savia's House of Pets going on at my place - what's one more?
It's actually been going pretty well. Oskar is much less of a brat when he has other cats to chase around, which he seems to be enjoying so far. But he's still a character. And so, for your reading pleasure, I present to you a list of strange and interesting things that you may or may not care to know about Oskar.
-is the only cat I know who can cry. I'm not talking "meow meow", I mean he actually cries big crocodile tears when he's afraid or stressed out. His eyes fill up with a thick, syrupy liquid that spills over his bottom lids in big globs.
-does not like dogs. They make him cry.
-is an animal, not a mineral.
-is hungry all the time.
-is more than eight months old and still looks like a kitten.
-potentially humped my grey cat. I'm not sure. There was a lot of yowling and it was 5 a.m. I half opened my eyes and said, "Oskar, if you want to hump my cat, please do it at a reasonable hour."
-thinks that walking across your face is a perfectly acceptable way to wake you up in the morning.
-leaves skid marks on the litter box.
-likes to cuddle in the morning.
-has a purr like a jet engine.
-'s shit does stink. Lots.
-always has eye boogers.
-is a lover and a fighter.
-will shove his head into a pot of food cooking on the stove.
-drinks bath water infused with neroli, ylang ylang and blue glitter. He thinks it's tasty.
-knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. But he doesn't really care as long as you feed him.