Try to keep it in your mouth for now, Jamie. There's money to be made.

Oh, and Mr. Foxx, you don't need to worry about paying me cash for this million dollar idea. I am willing to accept alternate payment.

Labels: sex

1. I refuse to be a foster home for cats and kittens anymore because I'm worried I'm going to become the crazy cat lady down by the tracks. Four is enough!
   
   
2. I'm a sucker for Canadian music and literature. If you ever need recommendations, drop me a line.
   
   
3. I'm a vegetarian unless you get me near some really amazing ethnic food, like lasagne made by little old Italian ladies. Or Greek souvlaki. Or bacon... I'm a bad vegetarian.
   
   
4. My internal editor went on strike a few years ago. And then she went missing and I forgot to look for her. I wonder what she's doing now?
   
   
5. I'm better at intense heart-to-heart conversations with people I barely know than I am at making small talk.
   
   
6. I don't have much time for bullshit and cut people out of my life who play games and thrive on interpersonal drama.
   
   
7. I stand up for what I believe in.
   
   
8. You should probably not fuck with my friends.
   
   
9. I like being in my 30s.
   
   
10. I do not want to have my own biological children and am not sure I want children at all, though the idea of adoption is appealing to me.
    
    
11. My sense of humour, at the best of times, is very warped.
    
    
12. It takes a lot to phase me. In fact, if someone is trying to shock me or throw me off, I will do my best to turn the tables on them and make them twitch instead. It's good times.
    
    
13. I get pretty licked off two drinks. If that happens, I'm probably going to start kissing my friends. They don't mind.
    
    
14. I lust after Jack Bauer. Not Kiefer Sutherland, the actor. Jack Bauer, the fictional character. Which goes against all those socialist/feminist things I stand for, but I can't help it. He's just so badass and sexy.
    
    
15. It's a good thing I live in Canada, because with my track record, my medical insurance rates would be through the roof if I lived in the States. I'm pretty sure that people who injure themselves while randomly falling off parking lots would need to pay higher premiums.
    
    

Labels: meme

1. Being an incredibly cheap drunk. Three whole beer, baby. Yes, I know how to live on the edge.
   
   
   All photos in this post are by the fabulous and incredibly talented Schmutzie.
   
   
   
2. Super hot pictures in which it looks like I'm about to make out with my hair doppelganger, only she and I are just looking down each others' shirts because Schmutzie told us to. Wait, is that better or worse?
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. The fact that my best friend is totally cool with me giving her boyfriend a birthday kiss, and then kissing her, too, for good measure. They both have very soft lips.
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. And my BFF drove my cheap drunk ass home. Now, that's friendship.
   
   
   
   
5. Having a heart-to-heart with a new friend and seeing her for who she really is, in a good way.
   
   
   
   
   

Labels: Grace in Small Things

Labels: self-esteem, sex

Labels: sex

Labels: blogging, guest post, sex

Labels: misc

My name is Frankie and I have freakishly long whiskers.

No banana bread for you!

The only picture I had time to take of Cinder, all curled up in my blankies.

Kitty 69!

Eight-month old Frankie, lounging and posing

Methinks my black and white cat is a racist.
Only wants to hang with his own kind.
Prick.

Same cat, bigger bowl.

This is supposed to be the dog's bed, but Frankie doesn't care.

Labels: pets

Labels: misc

1. Driving is almost meditative for me. I think of a lot of good ideas as I'm driving around. Though this means I'm not necessarily the most alert driver. In fact, I'm kind of like a bird, distracted by shiny things. It's probably dangerous to drive around with me. I'd recommend against it.
   
   
2. I'm beginning to wonder if my brain picks up on radio signals. More times than I can count, as I've been walking to my car, I get a song in my head. When I turn on my car radio, the same song is playing. Not only that, it picks up in the exact spot where the tune in my head leaves off. This also happens sometimes when I wake up before my alarm, set to the same radio station, in the morning. Don't worry - I'm not going to start wearing a tinfoil helmet or anything. I just wish I could find a way to capitalize on this skill. Any ideas?
   
   
3. Although I only buy non-mainstream CDs by Canadian singers/songwriters, when I'm in my car, I like listening to our local inane Top 40 radio station. Mindless music is calming and reduces my road rage at the horrible, horrible Saskatchewan drivers. Britney, Beyonce, Black Eyed Peas: bring it on. Just not Nickelback, dear lord. Inane, yes; insane, no. I am a proud member of the Facebook group, "Everytime a Nickelback Song Is Played, God Kills a Llama."
   
   
4. I try to sing harmony along with the songs on the radio. It often doesn't work out. But when it does, I feel so very cool.
   
   
5. Sometimes, I even dance to the songs. I'm sure other drivers find me amusing. Or freakish.
   
   
6. Speaking of freakish, I am known for freak accidents. Yesterday, as I was plugging my car in at work (Note to American readers: in Canada, our winters are so cold that we have little mini heaters under the hoods of our cars, and we have to plug these in to an electrical outlet in order to keep our motors from freezing up.), I actually fell off the parking lot. Yes, you read that right: off. There's a steep drop off right after the parking partition and I lost my balance, rolled down the incline and smashed into a chain link fence. Today, my jaw, neck, shoulders, back and legs hurt. And don't get me started on the bruises.
   
   
7. However, I am also freakishly lucky. My weird accidents are never that awful. Yesterday, it was -30 Celsius/-22 Fahrenheit (-40 Celsius/Fahrenheit with the windchill). And even though I fell off the parking lot, I'm fortunate that I did not hit my head and knock myself out. Because in that case, I would have been unconscious, outside in dangerously cold weather, in an area where no one would have seen me, even though I was mere feet from my office. I would have died, or at the very least, suffered severe frostbite before someone found me, which could have led to amputation. I'm not exaggerating - this is, sadly, common in our climate. A very lucky gal, I am.
   
   
8. My car's rear end (tee hee) may be cursed. I have had my back bumper replaced three times now. First, I backed into a pole, then I was rear-ended by a clueless old lady, and then my car was hit-and-run outside my house. But the luck also extends to my cursed car, because I have never been in a serious accident - knock on a wood-paneled station wagon.
   
   
9. I am forever getting lost. I can get lost on the way to places I've been several times before. I've even gotten lost in Moose Jaw, where I like to joke that there's only one street. I don't bother with directions. Instead, I convince myself that I'll be able to "feel" where I'm going and find it on my own. The weird part is, sometimes this actually works.
   
   
10. Even though I have lived through 34 sub-zero Saskatchewan winters, I only recently discovered winter tires. I can't believe I've survived without them this long. They are my new boyfriend. I'd tongue kiss them everyday if I weren't afraid that my poor tongue would stick to them and rip off. I am still haunted by the memory of this girl in my Grade One class, Darla, who tried to lick frost off the tetherball pole at recess and got stuck (or "thuck", as she said) to it. She never spoke in class again after that. Even though she probably didn't permanently damage her tongue, I was convinced it was the reason for her silence.

Labels: misc